Another year here...another holiday over.
But I got most of my stuff down from Boston and I was able to decorate properly for the holidays. The place looked great....my tree looked awesome with all my ornaments on it. Some things were missing but my son has no idea what happened to them. I think they was stolen but there is nothing I can do about it. But now I am putting it all away and shoving it into the spare room because, at the moment, I have no other place to store it all. The craft room I so desperately wanted has become a storage room. So no crafting for awhile.
My love life has changed. I finally had the guts to step back from my last boyfriend, Steve. I told him how I felt and he basically disappeared. I cried, I swore, I was depressed. Until one day I said to myself, "What the hell are you doing? He doesn't love you and if he doesn't by now, he never will.... so move on." So I have. I had a talk with him and said that if he wanted to see me again the rules were changed. No more being exclusive....no more lousy sex. He agreed...and apologized for being a jerk. So we are basically friends. I still see my friend Jim and we have sex and its good. But I decided to go back on Match.com a few months ago. I was about to give up when I met someone.
It was in the beginning of December, just before my Match membership was about to be renewed (which I really couldn't afford) when I hit the like button of a guy that lives in the same town I do. He looked and sounded nice....and intelligent. I didn't hear anything for a while and figured he didn't "like" me but one day I got a message from him. His name was Randy. He liked my profile.....liked that I loved music. We arranged to meet one morning before he had to go to work at the diner. We spent about 2 hours talking and I could tell he liked me. I just didn't realize how much.
It was love at first date for him. He said he never felt like he did before with any other woman. I was shocked, to be honest, but flattered. However, it wasn't long before I began to feel smothered....we had only known each other about a week and he was all over me constantly. I finally broke down one afternoon and told him it had to stop. I told him I liked him but I wasn't in love with him and I didn't know if that was ever going to happen. I know he was disappointed but he said he understood and would try to dial it back, which he has been and which has been making me MUCH more comfortable in his company. He said it's not easy but he is willing to do whatever it takes because he doesn't want to lose me.
As I said, I have never been in this sort of situation before. I WOULD like this relationship to succeed but only time will tell. And I still have no desire to move in with anyone....I love my apartment and all the men I know have houses that I would never live in....old, dirty, in disrepair....and with no money to improve them. My apartment is nicer than ALL their houses. And I also love living in a place that is truly MINE.
But it has been nice having more companionship....someone to talk to. Someone to cuddle with who actually wants to cuddle with ME....and feels it. He isn't an type A personality like Steve, though....he is shy, sensitive and soft-spoken and has had issues with self-esteem, like me. He has been married twice, has 4 kids. One, a daughter, is out of wedlock. He doesn't speak of her much. But he has 3 sons by his first wife of whom he is very proud. One is going to be moving in with him this month and he is looking forward to having him there. He has 2 cats he dotes on....that's different. He is only separated from the second wife, though he promises me the marriage is over.....she left him for an old boyfriend.
Randy went with me to my brother's house for Christmas dinner. Although he is Jewish, he said he loves Christmas. And my brother surprised both of us by giving Randy a gift card for $25. He was visibly touched by that.
So I guess, for the moment, I have plenty of people to spend time with. I am hoping I won't ever have to go back on Match again.
Its late....I am tired. I need to fall into bed...alone. And that's ok. I am not TOTALLY alone....my dog sleeps with me. :)
