Pinch Me

 Well, it's been about a month, and things have progressed faster than I expected. I suppose when something is right, it's right, and you can't deny it. 

I never thought I would fall in love again... it's too disappointing. And so what did I do? LOL! But this time it's reciprocated. We both feel the same way. In fact, we were in bed together about a week ago (and I never expected THAT to happen, either) and he asked me if I thought it was too soon to talk about love. And what was freaky is that I was thinking the exact same thing before he said it! He says we are on the same wavelength, and I believe he is right. He is the sweetest, most loving man I have ever met...more demonstrative than Jim or Ron ever was. He loves to cuddle and is always kissing me all over. He says he doesn't know what he did to deserve me....no one EVER said that to me. If this is the love I end my life with, then "I" will be the one to wonder what I did to deserve it? 

We have been to 4 different casinos since we met....he enjoys going and has been meeting his cousin there, so I met her too. She is funny and very nice. But I have collected nearly $1000 in winnings! He says I am really lucky, but I don't know. But I DO know I have enough money now to pay off my credit cards, and that is a MAJOR stress reliever! I never thought it would happen. And not only that, he insisted that I get cable TV so I can easily watch the baseball games, which he is paying for, as well as my internet and phone bill! It's enabling me to build back up the buffer I had in my checking account of a month's rent that I used to have, but was eating through it slowly. He told me he wants to help make my life easier. The only concern I have now is finding out next month what my rent will be, because it goes up every year. If it goes up another $150 a month, I will be back where I started. I can't move....the cost of other comparable apartments is more than I am paying now. Not to mention the cost of actually moving. So here I stay....just hoping they cut me a break this year. 

I feel so happy....yet so scared. But that's me. I keep thinking this isn't going to last. But at the same time, I don't see it ending. Its simply my skepticism coming through, I can't quite quell it yet. But he is 7 years older than me, which wouldn't be an issue if we were younger, but who knows how long either of us has left. He walks with a cane, which he didn't do the night we met, and I know it's because he didn't want to look like an old man. That doesn't really bother me. He has other military-related physical issues. Again, they don't really bother me, but all will worsen the older he gets. It's funny, though....he seems more concerned about MY issues (I guess that's what love is all about). My back problems....he is always massaging my back. But he is strong...his upper body is more muscular than those of other men I have known. And he's not fat! I have no reason to be biased in that regard, but just for once, it's nice to have a man who doesn't have a belly separating us when we hug. Considering my weight loss, we fit together well.

Ok...enough for now. I have to get ready to go out...he is taking me to do a couple errands and then getting pizza for dinner. So nice to have things to look forward to now.

Song for the day.....Make Believe its Your First Time....because I am.

New Beginnings?

 After the old guy in my life left, I was getting depressed really quickly. So I decided to try again on a dating site. I was on for a few weeks when I started chatting with a man nearby....a 78 year old widower of 3 years. He sounded very nice, so he asked if we could meet? He asked me out to lunch at a place nearby, and I met him there. We had a very nice time....nice conversation. Wasn't sure though. But I told myself to give it time. He asked me out again for dinner and told me to pick the place. I chose a nice restaurant nearby....didn't realize how "nice" it was, as I had never been there before. I felt a little uncomfortable when we got there, and I saw the prices. He ordered a drink, and I ordered a glass of Riesling...my favorite wine. He ordered the twin lobster tails, which were $80, so I decided to take his lead and got a 14-oz. filet for $75. We had 2 drinks each and got dessert to go. I know the bill had to be at least $200 plus tip, but he raved about how much he loved the place and the food! So I was relieved.

Then he asked me if I wanted to go to a casino nearby. I hadn't been in a casino in years, but I said sure. So we got there, and he chose a couple of slot machines, and we sat down. He then took a bill out of his wallet and put it in my machine. I thought it was a $20...but when I saw the balance, it was $100. I got nervous...I just wanted to NOT lose his money. We played those machines for a little while until I was down to about $60, then we tried another set of machines. I lost more and was down to about $20. So we moved on to another set of machines. There, he opened his wallet again and put another C note in the slot. Now I was really nervous, but I was determined to start winning something. Well, THIS machine was better. I started winning. I got up to $248, and I should have stopped there because then I started losing again. I told myself, Ok....when you get to $200, stop, and he will get his money back. So, I stopped at $200.06. We went to Chickie and Pete's and had a sandwich, then cashed out. I handed him the $200, and he said, keep it....that's your winnings. I said I only won 6 cents, but he said, don't sweat it....put it in your purse. I wasn't sure I should...I felt guilty. But I did as he asked. I have to admit to being grateful....that $200 will be helpful. I have to take the dog to be groomed next week, and not having to charge it is a big deal. I will put the $100 bill away for something else.

We are going to the movies on Saturday. Not exactly a movie I want to see, but I knew the one I WANTED to see he wouldn't like. So I compromised a bit....Solo Mio...which didn't get good reviews and sounds like a very formulaic romance movie. Oh well....I will have to go see Avatar on my own.

My feelings are mixed. It was obvious from his actions and his words that he is attracted to me and likes me. I like him, but I told him I need time....I can't just jump into anything so soon. He understood and told me that if he does anything I don't like to tell him. But I don't want to hurt his feelings. He said he was nervous...he hasn't been with a woman since his wife died 3 years ago, and I told him I haven't been with a man in 6 years. Still, I have to be guarded. I don't want to get hurt again. He is a bit of a "diamond in the rough," as the phrase goes. I am not a snob, but it's tough when I speak in normal language, and he doesn't always understand, or he can't think of words, and I kinda fill them in for him. He is mildly physically disabled (he uses handicapped placards when parking) and walks slightly haltingly, but that's not an issue. Our ages are really the main thing we have in common. I will have to wait and see how things go. If we start running out to things to talk about or share, it may not be what either of us wants. I will be cautiously optimistic. But I have to admit I was feeling a little bit horny thinking about how it could be. Horny.....at 71 years old. I guess I am not dead yet. 😄

And I also have to admit to liking being spoiled somewhat. I haven't had that happen since Ron was alive. I was used to being poor for the last several years, accepted my fate, and adjusted to the situation. This man isn't rich, but he isn't poor either. He is retired from the military and the civil service, and he gets Social Security. He owns his house, so no mortgage, and he just bought a new car. I expect NOTHING, but I won't turn down any generosity. I have my pride, but I am not afraid to swallow it on occasion. And he likes my apartment....and my dog, so that's points in his favor, too.

At least having him in the apartment gave me the push I needed to straighten up the place. I feel more comfortable now that things are more orderly....except for the spare room. That room will never be organized. And he was so kind to help me with a couple of things. I bought thermal sheers for my living room window, and he put them up for me. And he changed the filter in my HVAC.....bought and paid for the filters as well as vacuumed out the filter area, which was dusty. He also put the arms back on my stationary bike and helped me move it out into the living room so I can use it again. It was nice having the help of a man when I needed it....I do most everything on my own because I have had to, but there are some things I can't manage on my own.

The sheers on the window are a big deal...it helps with the drafts, and it looks SO nice...now the living room LOOKS like a living room. Plus, it's more private without shutting out the light, and I need the light. 

I guess that's most of what has been going on in my crazy world. Back to the Olympics.

Song? The first one that popped into my mind was "For All We Know" by the Carpenters. Because who knows?