Wednesday, October 26, 2016

A Match?

As I wrote in my last post, I have my profile back up on I have had a few nibbles, one of which was a total washout. I felt sorry for the guy....30 years ago he was gorgeous and hunky. Now he is overweight, can hardly walk and simply isn't attractive to me.  And he is impotent, which, again, I feel bad for him but I need a guy whose plumbing works. He latched onto me really fast....I felt SO bad for him. He really is a sweet guy but he is very Type A, which is ok but he tends to push himself on others as a defense against his insecurities. One time meeting me and he was in love with me! Anyway, I let that whole thing go. I am not that shallow and neither Jim nor Ron were Mr. Americas. But they were more healthy that this guy.

However, I have been corresponding with someone new. He seems pretty normal, is in great shape and is intelligent. Also seems to have a lot in common with me. I would really like to meet him so I can make a better determination but I am in Boston visiting with my son and his family for a few weeks. So he and I have been emailing. He actually said he was going to let his Match membership expire since he found me....that was nice. Still, I have learned that you really need to MEET the person before you can know anything for sure. He isn't an Adonis but he isn't ugly me. And he has a HOT TUB! Boy, do I miss being in one of them. I had one many years ago when I lived with Jim but I couldn't take it with me when we moved. Anyway, I am hoping things work out with him. There is another guy that I was writing too but he is further away. Still, I won't throw all my eggs in one basket yet....I learned that lesson the last time I was on Match.

I haven't been able to spend much time with my granddaughter as she is on the opposite schedule than me....up all night, sleeping all afternoon and part of the evening. I have been trying to keep busy, though...been baking cookies and keeping the kitchen relatively clean, which is appreciated. I will do more baking in the next several days. I ordered a laptop travel case from Amazon and had it delivered here because I brought my laptop with me (wasn't going to be without that for 3 weeks) but my daughter drove me up here so I didn't need a case. I will need one on the way back since I will probably be taking the train.

I have had 2 anxiety attacks since I got here. Was sitting in a chair in the living room and they just came over me....don't really know why. With the first one I told my son I needed to go upstairs so I didn't have a meltdown in front of the kids and then I ran up 2 flights to my room. The other one, no one was in the room so I just sweated it out until it passed. I brought my Clonidine with me but I rarely take that unless I am having a bad day because of the side effects....this was just 15 minutes or so. Still, I HATE it.

I don't miss therapy but will have to go back to it when I return.

As you can tell, with the exception of the anxiety attacks, I am more relaxed being away from the house I am staying in. I hope this continues. I have been finding a lot of comfort and happiness in my music. I am SO glad I decided to get YouTube Red....being able to hear anything even when I am offline is worth the money. Love being able to take music I love anywhere and enjoy it.

Speaking of music, one of my all time favorite oldies is "Just My Style" by Garry Lewis and the Playboys....its a fun, upbeat song that always gets me moving. I just added it to my playlist. Maybe when I post again I will have more news on the Match front.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

The New Abnormal

I did some review papers at the therapists office the other day.....stuff I filled out the first day I was in therapy. They ask you questions and you answer as to your levels of anxiety in each case. I did the math and I am still moderately depressed. I think that's about the same as the last time I filled in those forms. Problem is the questions....most really don't pertain to my issues. I have situational anxiety.....if  I avoid those situations that cause me panic and anxiety, I am pretty normal. But put me in those situations and I freak out. How do you test for something like that except to torture me with situations that will cause me to panic?

I put my profile up on and although I had some interest, there was little in the way of reciprocation. I am not expecting a hunk but if I look at a guy's photo and nothing happens....well, no sense in pursuing it. I did have one guy that I thought was a possibility....until he tried to scam money out of me. And it was SO obvious it was funny! I guess guys overseas think all we American women are desperate, stupid and rich....HA! He sure picked the wrong girl! I am not sure if its going to work as well this time (I met Ron on Match about 13 years ago). The older you get, the fewer men there are out there looking for a partner. Still, I bit the bullet and paid the fee for 6 months....we'll see what happens

I have been watching "True Blood" on my computer. for the past couple daughter got me started on it. I am on the last season and I am enjoying it.....a lot of it is funny as hell. But something happened a few minutes ago that never happened to me before. I was watching a dream sequence with Jason and Eric and the 2 of them starting to make love and I was SO completely turned on by it! I have NEVER gotten any pleasure from watching 2 guys go at it.....ever.....and I have seen a lot of porn over the years. But these 2 guys....well, both are hot as hell and the acting was SO damn convincing that I was in tears and so excited. I had to pause the video just to calm down! It makes no sense but both those guys should have gotten Emmy awards just for THAT scene.

So I guess that should tell you that I am STILL a bit crazy when it comes to sex. I can't remember when I have felt this way. And at 62 years old, how much chance do I have that I am going to find someone who feels the way I do? Is 60 the new 40? Maybe. I wish I could go exercise just to get rid of the sexual tension I feel. Tomorrow I will DEFINITELY go to the gym and get on the bike....I need it for more reasons than one.

And I rejoined MFP....if you know what that is. I lost 50 pounds on that before Ron died and I gained back 15....time to get that off and THEN some. Now is a good time with the weather cooling off.

The house here is being emptied of all the owners stuff in preparation for sale. Not sure when that will be but I am nervous. I have NO say in where I will end up and I am scared. Trying hard NOT to think about it too much.

The song this time is from "True Blood"......"Why Did You Leave Me Now?" by Liz Rodrigues. It reminded me of Ron....and I thought it was a beautiful song. And I rarely like female singers.