Sunday, October 2, 2016

The New Abnormal

I did some review papers at the therapists office the other day.....stuff I filled out the first day I was in therapy. They ask you questions and you answer as to your levels of anxiety in each case. I did the math and I am still moderately depressed. I think that's about the same as the last time I filled in those forms. Problem is the questions....most really don't pertain to my issues. I have situational anxiety.....if  I avoid those situations that cause me panic and anxiety, I am pretty normal. But put me in those situations and I freak out. How do you test for something like that except to torture me with situations that will cause me to panic?

I put my profile up on and although I had some interest, there was little in the way of reciprocation. I am not expecting a hunk but if I look at a guy's photo and nothing happens....well, no sense in pursuing it. I did have one guy that I thought was a possibility....until he tried to scam money out of me. And it was SO obvious it was funny! I guess guys overseas think all we American women are desperate, stupid and rich....HA! He sure picked the wrong girl! I am not sure if its going to work as well this time (I met Ron on Match about 13 years ago). The older you get, the fewer men there are out there looking for a partner. Still, I bit the bullet and paid the fee for 6 months....we'll see what happens

I have been watching "True Blood" on my computer. for the past couple daughter got me started on it. I am on the last season and I am enjoying it.....a lot of it is funny as hell. But something happened a few minutes ago that never happened to me before. I was watching a dream sequence with Jason and Eric and the 2 of them starting to make love and I was SO completely turned on by it! I have NEVER gotten any pleasure from watching 2 guys go at it.....ever.....and I have seen a lot of porn over the years. But these 2 guys....well, both are hot as hell and the acting was SO damn convincing that I was in tears and so excited. I had to pause the video just to calm down! It makes no sense but both those guys should have gotten Emmy awards just for THAT scene.

So I guess that should tell you that I am STILL a bit crazy when it comes to sex. I can't remember when I have felt this way. And at 62 years old, how much chance do I have that I am going to find someone who feels the way I do? Is 60 the new 40? Maybe. I wish I could go exercise just to get rid of the sexual tension I feel. Tomorrow I will DEFINITELY go to the gym and get on the bike....I need it for more reasons than one.

And I rejoined MFP....if you know what that is. I lost 50 pounds on that before Ron died and I gained back 15....time to get that off and THEN some. Now is a good time with the weather cooling off.

The house here is being emptied of all the owners stuff in preparation for sale. Not sure when that will be but I am nervous. I have NO say in where I will end up and I am scared. Trying hard NOT to think about it too much.

The song this time is from "True Blood"......"Why Did You Leave Me Now?" by Liz Rodrigues. It reminded me of Ron....and I thought it was a beautiful song. And I rarely like female singers.

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