Friday, February 26, 2016

Am I Not Worthy?

One of the worst obsessions I have right now (and a major anxiety creator) is my limited financial resources. I have been trying to budget my meager funds.....they may have to last me for a year or more! I do consider myself fortunate to have my oldest brother helping our a bit with a little money every month....he has been a godsend and has been keeping me from crashing and burning. But today I got a shock and a surprise.

The owner's son came up to me this morning and handed me a wad of money. He said it was from his sister.....part of my severance pay. I thought they had given me what they termed "severance pay" when it was determined that the owner wouldn't be returning home. I took the money to my room and counted it....$700! I immediately sent a text to the sister asking to explain. She said they had intended to give me that money all along but the money was tied up in legal stuff and they were just now able to get it. I immediately said I couldn't accept it but she insisted. I started to cry and thanked her. She said now I could out and shop.....ha,ha! Not really....that money will keep me from panicking for a few months, that's for sure! I am more grateful than I can say. Despite everything, they have been very kind to me.

And yet, a part of me wonders if I deserve it? Oddly enough, after I got the money, I immediately thought of Ron.....and was he looking out for me? I keep holding onto that. That he IS out there. I have been a great believer in angels for years.....maybe more so than God. All I really know is that that money has me feeling better right now than all the medication in the world could do for me.

I am not sure if I ever mentioned that I save quarters.....just quarters. It started when I was with Ron. I bought one of those digital banks and started putting all my spare change in it. Every day when Ron would come home from work he would deposit one quarter in it. When the jar was full, we would take it to the bank and cash it in. Then I started only putting quarters in it (the rest of my change goes in another jar for my granddaughter) along with him. And I continue to do it. I have close to $200 in quarters in it and will take it to my brother soon to cash bank doesn't have a cash counting machine and I don't feel like wrapping them up. I also have an Ad Sense account with Google. It only gets me about $100 a year but its free money and I can't complain about that.

I got the paperwork in the mail to reapply for my welfare benefits. Filled it out and have already put it in the mailbox. I asked my DIL if she would be my primary contact in case I had a problem communicating with their office and she was happy to agree. So that will help in case of an emergency.

And on another positive note, I straightened up and organized half this bedroom. The other half will be done, too.....I promised myself.

Today I count the good things I have and set aside the bad. Every day I can do this is a victory for my soul. And I must accept the good and know I AM worthy. My song is Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin. It should be my mantra.....I hope it will be one day!

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