El Nino

Whatever it is, it needs to go away. I don't mind a mild holiday season but this is ridiculous. Its predicted to be 70 degrees on Christmas day.

However, I wont be in PA then....I will be in Boston. And a bit uneasy about it dispite being able to visit my son and my granddaughter. Its my anxiety with people.....there will be a LOT of them around and if you have been reading my posts you know that people make me nervous.

And I have another issue. My daughter is driving us up but she has to go right back on Sunday (because she has school on Monday) and my son wants me to stay longer, which I certainly want to. But that means travelling  back by myself. Just the thought of it makes me feel queasy. I told my son that if someone literally puts me on the right train or bus and there are no tranfers and if there is someone right there to meet me when I get off, I should be ok, because I would be a basket case in any other situation. But if I get USED to doing this, I could conceivably make this a more regular occurance. But one thing at a time.  I will make sure I take my anxiety meds with me when I go.

I cleaned my ex's place on Tuesday and my daughter called me to tell me that my ex SIL was pleased as usual but she wants me to come back and do it again next week because she wants it perfect for Christmas, as she is having their family over. I told my daughter I would be happy to do it again but will have to do it on Monday as I have my therapy appointment on Tuesday and we leave for Boston on Wednesday. I said if this was ok with her, let me know. I could sure use the money again.

My therapist wants me to make a list of all my goals for next year. I think they are pretty much the same as I had hoped for THIS year, but what the heck? I am nearly certain I will be stuck here for at least another year and that isn't doing anything for my condition. But I have to think as positively as I can and remember that I am making a little money and that eventually I WILL have my own place again somehow. But I don' t have the patience I had when I was younger.....mainly  because I have NO idea how many more years of life....and good quality of life.....I have left. I miss my last home desperately. Even with all the work that needed to be done to it, it was a palace compared to this place.

Owner's son just told me he is going to sneak out later to catch Star Wars. No problem....owner and I should both be asleep.

One more week till I see New England again. No snow but at least it will be a more fun Christmas than last year. I just wish I could look forward to the New Year.....right now I am afraid of what might come.

The song of the day is I Believe in Father Christmas by Greg Lake. Its one of my favorite contemporary Christmas songs. Its pretty....its haunting. A little like me.