I arrived at my son's house in Boston yesterday morning. It was an uneventful trip and my daughter made good time. But it didn't take long for me to feel out of place and anxious, which is the exact opposite of how I wanted to feel.
My daughter spent the whole afternoon in the kitchen baking and cooking. The Christmas Eve meal was good and I was glad to get to make my favorite holiday dish....Sweet Potato Crunch. But even that isn't helping my mood to be more festive.
It simply doesn't feel like Christmas. Its hard when most of the people in this house simply don't have any real holiday spirit. It may as well be any other day. I miss Ron...I miss the tree and all my decorations....and feeling at peace. I want to feel it here but its not going to happen, I may as well have stayed home. I feel like a stranger with my own famly.
Tomorrow is Christmas day and I don't even care. I hate feeling like this. And I have to be here for another week and a half. What is WRONG with me???? I know, really. I can't pretend I want to be around all these people. I am not ready for this. I want to be alone.
Maybe I will feel in different tomorrow? I sure hope so. And maybe my next post will be more uplifting.
Today's song is What's This? from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Its what everyone is watching on the BIG movie screen my son has installed in the living room. They don"t watch TV....only stuff from their computers, like Netfiix.....sigh....